Booboo was a much beloved ‘runt’ black lab mix who we enjoyed for 15 years.
Because we, like many moron pet owners, talked baby talk to our dog, she would respond accordingly.
So when Booboo would hear ‘Booboo gotta peepee poopoo?’ she would wiggle her little heinie vigorously and cry, knowing she was going outside to relieve herself (or at least she knew SOMETHING was going on).
So one summer day, we are on our way to Cape Cod for vacation, approximately a 5 hour drive. We are in a station wagon, with my son strapped in the back, and Booboo sleeping in the far back.
On route 495, very close to the New England Patriots stadium, we get caught in the middle lane of a horrible, full stop traffic jam, for approximately a half hour. In what you will come to see as important, we were nowhere near anything resembling a patch of grass.
My wife, in what may go down as the dumbest thing ever said in a car, chirped ‘Booboo gotta peepee poopoo?’
Simultaneously, I let out a shriek of horror and Booboo woke up and went INSANE, anticipating a visit to her dumping grounds.
Except, obviously, there was no place to go.
Eschewing politeness, I questioned whether my wife used the one brain cell that she might possess.
My wife, of course, became defensive, and Booboo was all over the car.
At some point, we ‘sedated’ Booboo and the traffic jam broke up.
But from then on, I second guessed baby talking to Booboo.