stupid like me

In the1960’s a fellow wrote a book entitled Black Like Me.  It was a gigantic best seller. It was based on a true story about a man who took  huge doses of radiation to turn his skin black.  He then traveled through the Deep South to experience what it was like to be a black man in that part of the country. It was an incredible book.

I’m going to follow his example, and write a book entitled Stupid Like Me. In order to prepare for this venture, I will have the stupid lobe of my brain enlarged, to make me even more stupid. I then will go about the daily business of life. Here is what I expect to happen.

First, of course, I will take to the road. I will get behind another driver and get very, very close. I will then do what all stupid drivers do, I will start to weave. From left to right to left to right, every moron driver on the planet does this. They must take a class to learn this behavior.  Of course, I will probably pass the car in front of me, crossing a double yellow line, and endangering everyone.

While I am on the road, I will purchase a gigantic Winnebago, which is usually inhabited by a couple named Merle and Fred.  The Winnebago, which gets 3 miles to the gallon, is about a billion times more expensive than renting a motel room. But hey, we can hit the can and do a number 2 while cruising down Route 66. And at a hot 30 miles per hour, we will back up traffic for miles.

While we are on the road, let’s hit the tattoo parlor. Nothing quite as stupid as branding your body for life. And branding the length of your body is beyond incredible.  Getting a neck tattoo takes the stupidity up a notch. And the topper is getting a tattoo of your girlfriend / boyfriend’s name.  What are the chances of that person being a part of your life in 10 years? Almost nothing. But you’re stuck with them, for the rest of your life.

I will now try to do what this fellow did. This son of Einstein was questioned by the police in a murder investigation.  Being a rap artist, this fellow recorded a rap album, including songs that detailed how he murdered the victim. The cops listened to the album, arrested him, and he got a life sentence.
Oh Baby, he’s so dumb.

And finally, I will become a climate change denier. Let’s see, thousands of smoke stacks in the world spewing billions of tons of crap into the atmosphere, and that is not a problem.

And how many pathetic polar bears do we need to see drifting off into eternal sadness on a chunk of ice until we realize we have a tragic situation. You ever notice that climate change experts come from places like Yale and Harvard, and climate deniers come from the Creepy Institute of Science in Georgia?

Yet all card-carrying Republicans must insist that there is no climate change. I have a close family member who is one of those people.What is there about being a Republican that connects them to climate change denial?  So, so stupid.

Tragically, the author of Black Like Me died from his radiation treatments. I hope I don’t die from my stupid lobe enlargement.

That would really suck.


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