Absolute terror

The bowling balls pounding on the floor started at the front door of my house and continued inward toward the living room, where I was watching TV.

I was completely puzzled and somewhat scared. Just can’t imagine what’s going on. After a few moments, the horror of the reality hits me.  I now realize that the sound is coming from inside me. 

I eventually find out that I am experiencing severe heart palpitations.

Having never experienced this before, I am terrified at a level that I have never known.  With the greatest certainty, I was sure I was about to die. 

At first, I return to the couch and thought, let’s get it over with. Living alone, there was no one to turn to.

Then I decide that I’m going to try to get help.  If I can get over my sense of disorientation, I think I will attempt to drive to the hospital.  The disorientation never clears away. I make a run for it anyway.

I stumble out to the car, I make the five minute journey to the hospital. I step up to the nurse and tell her that I am having a heart attack. She sent me in to the ER immediately.

What seems like dozens of tests are performed. Every test comes out the same, there is nothing wrong. They explain that I am having the aforementioned serious heart palpitations. They further explain that palpitations can be a sign of big trouble, but often are not.

They send me home, and tell me to see my doctor. My doctor confirms that what I experienced, while terrifying, is not necessarily bad. He also told me to eat lots of bananas to jack up my potassium count. This, he said, would help.

After I got home, I started evaluating my life. Weight and age? Not good. Exercise level? Pretty good. Blood pressure and cholesterol. Excellent. Other health issues? Overactive bladder, that’s about it.

So did the bowling balls come back?  Yes, sometimes with a vengeance. Do they continue to scare me? Absolutely. Do I go to the hospital? No, I ride out the storm. My latest episode? A few days ago.

One thing I do have is enough bananas to fill a jungle. But that’s a problem, because my nutritionist insists that bananas make you fat.

So I guess I’m getting a little bit used to this. If I ever do have a serious event, not sure if I’ll even realize it. As for my current situation, I have to change either my weight or my age. And the age will only go up. And the weight is a 60 year war.

There comes a time when you can’t put off hard choices. That time is now.

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5 thoughts on “Absolute terror”

  1. Basically, you were having anxiety attacks. You’re doing great with the weight loss and workouts[just stop messing with your phone]! There’s a very easy way to lose weight. Unsolicited advice: eliminate all packaged products, no pasta, rice, nothing white [except for good yogurt and cottage cheese]; eats lots of greens, eggs are good, lean protein, nuts, seeds. You will not only lose weight, you’ll have tons of energy and you will not get hungry. No need for portion control on a diet like this, you will be much less hungry. Enjoy your day! See you at the gym.

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  2. Get over here once a week I have had my wake up call. Let’s make a plan an do it all together.”bear” is ok but not a giant polar bear. We can do this. We can do a challenge. Keep up the exercise. Doug would love the support and I will cook a healthy meal without the brownies. Lol

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