Football player Adrian Peterson recently plea bargained a vicious child beating charge so that he now, joyously, might return to the National Football League. Let’s face it-it’s all about getting him back on the field-fuck the kid.
His 4 year old son, whose savage welts were photographed (you can still view them) and who had his mouth stuffed with leaves, has nowhere to go to plea bargain his case. He just has to take his ‘whooping’ like a man.
ESPN sports commentator Stephen A. Smith stated that Peterson needed to be reinstated into the league immediately because 1) he had paid his penalty, 2) spanking (SPANKING!!!) was acceptable in many parts of the country, and 3) many people had turned out ‘fine’ after being ‘whooped’.
He also stated that Peterson’s fine should be cut in half.
It would appear that the words missing thus far from Mr. Smith are ‘PARENTAL LOVE’.
Mr. Smith, my child was never whooped, never touched, maybe, not sure, had a voice raised to him.
And he turned out better then fine. A marvelously productive adult. Imagine that, no fucking leaves jammed down his throat. No hideous welts on his flesh.
Here’s the name of some other friends who parented the same way- Doug and Mary H., Walt and Gerri G., Bill and Helen S., Fred and Nan H.
If you are too fucking lazy to explore peaceful alternatives to raising your child, then you might want to check out employment opportunities in the Chicago stockyards. You’ll get your hots off there.
And for those, who with one hand on the Bible, proclaim “Spare the Rod…” I find it extremely doubtful that Jesus would have jammed leaves into his ‘child’s’ mouth.
Next time, before you whip out the belt, invest 10 extra minutes in conversation with your kid.
It will be for the best.