Do I make you horny, baby?

OK, I stole that title from Austin Powers, and it IS meant to target your naughty bits.

Furthermore, the title has nothing to do with this story. (what rule says the title has to be related to the story?).

Actually, this story deals with my first ‘writing for the public’ experience.

1970.

My boss calls me and says, “We got 300 kids coming for the banquet tonight, and Mr. Goodell wants a show.”

“Yessss, I’m listening”

“You’ve got 3 hours, Greg.”

“What the F!!!”

I drive up to the college dining hall and lock myself away. Within 10 minutes, I have an idea for the show. Within 2 hours, I have written the script. Within a half hour, I have contacted the boys in the dishroom and inform them of the plan.

Its T minus 10 and I am a friggin wreck.

Is the massive group of college students going to laugh?

Ah yes, the show…in today’s world of feminism gone wild, I would have my privates nailed to my mailbox.  Soooo politically incorrect.

But this is over 40 years ago.

So I head out to the dining area with my script, and encounter a tipsy piano player….a great, great sign.

“Hic, whatcha want me to play?”, slurs piano man.

“Use your judgment, pal.”

The group of 300 is silent in anticipation. Piano man tickles the keys.

And I proceed to individually introduce the ladies of the dishroom.   But of course, they are all men dressed as ladies.

Now it’s been too many years to remember specifics.  But the intros generally dealt with the following themes-

1. All of them had the morals of wet chinchillas

2. None of them were big on shaving

3. They seeked the love embrace of Hell’s Angels and the homeless

4. Never take them out drinking-you would never have enough money to keep up

The 300 students were standing on tables screaming, hooting and cheering.

The show ends. Mr. Goodell, a giant of a man, gives me a bear hug.  My manager wrestles me to the floor.

“Pay him triple time!” barks Goodell.

Now was everyone happy?

Uh, no.

The real girls of the dishroom were furious.

Nooo love cuddles for me for a very long time.

Was it worth it?

Shit, yeah.

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