I saw her first…

“I saw her first”, says personal trainer Russell.

“Oh no Russell”, I reply, “I saw her first.”
Russell, nodding toward the gorgeous blonde on the booty machine (OK, there is no booty machine…just humor me), tells me he saw her ENTERING THE FACILITY.
i sarcastically laugh at Russsell’s pathetic attempt at a winning claim.
“Russell”,  long pause, “I saw her enter her car at her apartment……..in New Jersey.”
Russell bows in deference to my last reply.
The previous conversation, if observed by an innocent bystander, might be attributed to an overhormoned sixteen year old.
But it’s not.
It’s the conversation of an overhormoned sixty five year old.
So, while Russell is cracking the whip on me while pedaling furiously on the ellipsis machine, he is also pointing out freakishly muscular women working out at the far corner of the Y.
I would rather pleasure a goat then take on a super muscle woman.  A little love padding, please.
One day, a day that will live in infamy, Russell is cracking the whip big time on my oversized, oversweaty bod.  He points to a gorgeous black woman to my left, and indicates that she is interested in me.
Understand this….the woman pointed out would rather eat at a restaurant that only serves corned beef hash than spend a moment with me.
But Russell moves to the next deadly level.  He speaks to Ms. Gorgeous…and she lights up with a huge smile.
Oh, Lordy, what did he say to her?
So what happens?  From that day on, Gorgeous gets very flirty with me…every time I walk by her, she is sooo complimentary, saying things that, uh, well, do not really apply to me.
At first I love it!!
Then, I start getting very uncomfortable…just not used to it at this point in my life, I guess.
So now, I go out of my way to avoid Gorgeous.
Who could have ever predicted that?
I tell Russell, who thinks he is doing me a huge favor, to please cool it.
“Stop talking to her!”, I shriek.
So, Russell does.
But this does not discontinue the “I saw her first” game mentioned above.
I knew the game had reached a new level when Russell stated, “I saw her entering this world at Cornwall Hospital.”
Tough to top that one, Russ.

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