Had Bertha come by the other night….oh, baby we did sooo plan on having a night of rompin’ stompin’ jungle whippet sex…
Of course, before me and Bertha engage in sex, we first do FOREPLAY.
Problem is, Bertha whispers raunchy filth in my ear…which is great, but I have very bad hearing.
If we go back fifty years, I used to go crazy when my hearing challenged Dad turned the TV volume up to level 20…and I would escape to the third floor.
Now I am my Dad….and my son, when home, runs to the third floor.
BACK TO BERTHA.
She whispers in my ear…”I want to rub your massive dick with baby oil.”
But what I hear is, “Fluster bluster vinegar tart baby shmoil.”
So, then, ever so romantically, I say, “Whatttttt???”
Bertha sticks her tongue toward my ear and moans, “Youuu complete meee as a WOMANNNN.”
But I hear, “Matzoh ball gargoyle breath fartaceous gasbag”
Houston, we have a problem.
Desperate, Bertha reaches for her greatest line…”All other men are boys, you are the only REAL MAN.”
So excited, I hear, “Rip Van Winkle Nixon tapes Rebozo Boogaloo”
The next sound I hear (dimly) is the front door slamming, and the coughing up of the engine on her 54 Studebaker.
Just one more lonely night for lonely guy.