Ma Voorhees was one in a galaxy..
In 1972, this seventyish grandma co worker grabs me by the hand, walking crisply, glasses dangling by a string around her neck, and tells me, “Gotta get you laid.”
“Ma! I can do it myself…..just been on a cold streak.”
“I KNOW WHAT’S BEST… Don’t be like Alonzo, who could not get laid in a whorehouse with a fistful of twenties…he was SUCH A PISSWILLY.”
What the fuck was a pisswilly?
Ma KNEW who would do the magical thing with me, and would do it before your paint dried.
“Bambi will rock your world on night one, and you won’t have to do a thing”, states Ma. “She will be in your shorts by 10 o’clock.”
My life experience is this….sure things never turn out to be sure things. Especially when it comes to sex.
Pick up Bambi at her doublewide….whew! In the days before tattoos…she was covered.
How can I describe this woman? Would stockyard pile driver mean something to you?
In the remote case that this woman would want to do the honey badger dance, I felt no confidence that I could rock her world in any way.
By ten o’clock, she back home…and Ma Voorhes DID NOT TAKE LONG to get back to me.
“Excuse me, are you incapable of satisfying a woman?”, blurts Ma.
“Ma! She too much woman for me.”
“YOU ARE SUCH A PISSWILLY!”
Oh, baby, there’s that term again.
Eventually, before the turn of the century, I scored again…even have a son to prove it.
And moving forward to today, I reflect on the following…
Is Ma in heaven setting up losers with easy scores?
Did Alonzo ever meet Ma’s expectations?
Did Bambi ever accomplish her goal, which was the third naval fleet?
And most important, will I, before my time ends on this mortal coil, ever find out what a Pisswilly is?