President Trump’s first executive order on abortion
President Trump was inhaling his exquisite maleness, when a call came in…
“Mr. President, we are ready to execute your orders…terrorist family members are in our sights.”
“Great, blast ’em”
“Uh, Mr. President, we DO have a problem…one of the Muslim women is pregnant, and is carrying an UNBORN FETUS!!!”
President Trump scratches his head…such a pesky problem…..and decides to call on his evangelical advisors.
“Reverend Graham, the Donald here, can we blast pregnant Muslim women, who are, you know, carrying an unborn fetus? Is that, you know, ABORTION?”
“Oh, Donald, Donald, Donald, these are MUSLIM fetuses, not Born Again Christian tea party fetuses! Of course you can blast these little slime bags into the world of the seventy two virgins!”
Donald gave thanks, and dropped a check for fifty grand to the ministers crystal palace cathedral.
Donald returns call to the commanding officer, and gives the go ahead.
“Mr. President, one more problem, our snipers are feeling a bit skittish about plugging two year old children in the eye socket…they are not feeling confident about their post war life as a happy functioning civilian”, said the officer.
“Not a problem, I have post war jobs for all of them in my Atlantic City casinos as toilet attendants….wait, wait, my casinos are bankrupt… I got it! Jobs for all of them as caddies on my golf courses. All that outdoor air will clear their heads of shame and trauma.”
Trump went back to REAL presidential stuff…assessing members of Congress to determine support for his far reaching bills…
“Ah yes, this one a loser, next one loser, next one fat loser, and that one ugly. Everyone must know what these folks LOOK LIKE. Because looks matter!”, screamed the Donald.
Before Donald retired for his power nap, he had to check on his pride and joy…THE MEXICAN FUCKING WALL!!!!”
Turns out wall was going great! Three hundred feet high and sixty thousand miles long! And, as Donald promised, all paid for by the Mexicans, and gladly.
At the end of the day, Donald was escorted to his limo by his Secret Service….not the Secret Service of old, but the new Secret Service….drunk toothless losers from Arkansas with lots of guns.