Is Patty Simmons prettier than me?

Greg D here.

And oh, baby, I know my way around women.

Yes, yes, I do.

Being of an age greater than a California redwood, I know things that you DON’T KNOW.

Let me tell you rule number one with regard to dealing with women. Uh, make that rules number one thru fifty.

If you are in a relationship with a woman, a relationship that includes all sorts of wonderful benefits, there are certain things you NEVER SAY.

I know. Because I have said them.

“Do you think Patty Simmons is prettier than me?”, she says in a most disarming way.

Even Pee Wee Herman knows to stay fifty yards wide of that one.

Good Lord, even throw Ted Cruz in!

But for reasons I still cannot explain, I answered the question.

“Are you kidding? Patty is gorgeous…it’s not even close!”

Folks, there is DUMB, there is DUMBER, then there is the above mentioned response.

My response was met with silence…and a six month moratorium on certain essential services.

Knees bloodied from begging, hands folded in the eternal prayer plea, it was with the greatest of relief when the ban was lifted.

Believe it or not, this was the SECOND stupidest thing I ever said.

The first was, ” Heyyy, you’re having a baby!”

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