I never watch golf, nor do I play. I played years ago, and always sucked. It smacked of being a group of ‘in the cool club’ older guys that scoffed at losers like me. Needless to say, I was never invited to do cool guy things. Did not care.
However, today my attention, always a bit weird, is captured by the name of this week’s pro golf tournament. It is the Waste Management Golf Classic.
Those are the people who pick up my garbage can full of stuff formerly known as cottage cheese which is now incredibly stanky, green and blue. I mean, come on, do squat hairy guys tossing buckets of crap around make you think of lush, green fairways and gorgeous blue skies?
Do loud noisy trucks that awaken me on Monday morning remind me of pristine sand traps?
I mean, if we can do the Waste Management Classic, what about THESE?
1. Pauly’s Septic System Poo poo Pumping Open (held anywhere in Arkansas).
2. Mildred’s New England ‘chowdah’ House quahog Open (Worcester ((Wuhstah)) Mass)
3. Fred’s Open Carry ‘Machine Gun the piss out of ’em’ Tournament (anywhere but New York)
Now let’s examine the name of some real tournaments-
1. The Buick Open
2. Bob Hope Desert classic
3. The Masters
Get the difference?
Golf, although it be boring as my first girl friend, does lend itself to a certain level of elegance.
So Waste Management has gotta go..
Unless they replace the sand traps with used cat litter..that would be cool.